


Ultimately

by Jayshadow44



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Me? knowing how to tag? its less likely than you think, No beta we die like my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayshadow44/pseuds/Jayshadow44
Summary: Its been a while since Tommy and Tubbo stopped talking. One is thriving, the other...Songfic to Ultimately by Khai Dreams
Relationships: Past Tubbo & Tommyinnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Ultimately

Tommy sat on the roof of his house, gazing up into the clouds.

**Ultimately I don’t understand a thing**

It reminded him of Tubbo. The two of them used to spend hours just looking at the clouds together. The hours they had spent together flashed through his mind like a movie, each memory taking forever to play out and yet being gone in a moment

**I try to do the best I can**

He still missed the boy. He knew he shouldn’t; he was the one who ended it after all.

**I know you try to do the same**

He couldn’t get the memories out of his head. Of Tubbo begging him not to leave, asking again and again what he had done wrong.

**We’re just so bound to make mistakes**

Befriending Tubbo had been a mistake. It was the best mistake of his life but a mistake nonetheless.

**You could call it a disposition**

They were best friends, since they first talked. The brunette had been his Tubbo and the Blond had been his Tommy.

**I apologize for all your tears**

He remembered the night he had told Tubbo he thought they shouldn’t stay friends. He remembered Dream barging into his room, demanding answers as to why Tubbo was in tears.

**I wish I could be different**

He remembers Wilbur’s disappointed face as he explained to the masked blond what had happened. How he had ended what was meant to be a lifelong friendship because he felt like Tubbo was his only source of stability.

**But I’m still growing up**

He needed that stability elsewhere. He needed it within himself

**Into the one you can call your love**

He wanted to be stable for Tubbo too. He had always been the younger one; the less mature one. He just wanted people to look up to him like he did to them

**I don’t know if I’ll ever be enough**

He was so unsure, even as the words came out of his mouth. “I don’t think we can be friends anymore”

**I’m throwing in my chips**

It was a gamble. Either he would feel better over time or he would regret that day forever

**I guess I tend to push my luck.**

Thank god it ended out okay. They we’re doing better now that they were apart, he could feel it.

**And ultimately I believe we’ll be okay**

Tommy had always been more positive, maybe to a fault. He saw the best in situations. He could make even the darkest of situations okay.

**Its so cliché to say these things**

He knew he was okay, if not better. Sure he was lonely, but that was temporary. He would find new friends

**But repetition is a key**

Every time he was lonely he would remind himself why he did this. Why this stability was important. Being lonely stung, but he would be a better person because of it.

**I think I’m better when I’m with you**

Tommy used to be so much more stable, so much more positive when Tubbo was around. Tommy actually liked himself when Tubbo was around

**But I worry when you’re gone**

It was when Tubbo wasn’t around that was the problem. Tommy would yell without reason. He’d fight everyone he could find. He’d go from laughing to sobbing in a matter of minutes

**I think I need to learn to love myself**

Tommy couldn’t live like that. He knew there was a day when Tubbo wouldn’t be able to calm him down anymore. He needed to be able to do it himself.

**I must learn to be strong**

He was stronger now. Through the ache in his chest and the tears shed through the night. He was stronger

**So, for now, we’ll say goodbye**

Maybe once he was strong enough he’d go back. He’d go back and explain and apologize because he did such a bad job last time.

**Although it pains me in my heart**

He did such a bad job that Tubbo was on the ground, holding Tommy’s shirt, crying into it. Begging him to stay. Asking him what he did wrong through choked out sobs, promising he’d do better next time Just give him another chance.

**Your words they come to me in memories**

Tommy couldn’t handle his own emotions, how could he handle someone else's? He couldn’t. He couldn’t handle it, so he walked Tubbo home and left him in the driveway.

**They sing to me like songs**

“I’m sorry Tubbo, I really am.” That was the last thing he said to his friend before leaving. Forever

**It won’t be long until I’m here**

He remembered everything Tubbo had told him in those moments. All of his doubts and fears about being Too clingy, Too annoying, Too loud, Too quiet. They all came out and Tommy couldn’t do anything but panic because he could calm Tubbo, Tubbo was normally the one calming him.

**Soon I’ll make my arrival**

It had been a while since then, but the guilt Tommy felt for how he responded didn’t leave. Tommy had left Tubbo, but the guilt would never leave him.

**Under shady trees, a quiet street**

Tommy started a new adventure. He moved. New town, new friends, new trees to climb and clouds to watch.

**The roads that I have travelled**

Everyone once in a while he’ll walk down a street, and it’ll be just like exploring the quiet streets in his old town. His old adventures bled into the new ones. It hurt, but he was okay with that.

**Ultimately it's a beautiful thing**

The loneliness had a poetic kind of beauty to it. Without the absence of his friend, Tommy would have never appreciated just how much Tubbo did for him.

**Like flowers blooming in a lonely field**

Without the pain in his heart, he would have never realized just how many things can remind you of what was.

**The petals drift through crossing winds**

Without the break from his rock he would have never been able to stand on this own.

**They find their way to river streams**

Without the empty space beside him, he never would have learnt to appreciate it when its filled.

**That scent the water beautifully**

Without the sadness, he would have never learnt to love his life.

**It takes me back to you**

He missed Tubbo. He really missed Tubbo.

**It takes me back to you**

But it was better this way.

  
  
  


><><><><><><><><

  
  
  


Tubbo sat in a field of flowers, absentmindedly picking them and making a flower crown. He never had anything to do now that Tommy was gone.

**And ultimately I could not prevent our end**

There wasn’t a day he hadn’t thought about Tommy since they had split up, his mind would drift to the boy in every quiet moment.

**I hope to god that we stay friends**

There was nothing he could have done. He was a burden, a burden to Tommy and a burden to his brother. He didn’t know how many times Dream had cancelled his plans with George and Sapnap to hold him while he cried.

**And if we don’t, let's make amends.**

He hadn’t talked to anyone since Tommy left. He didn’t want to risk the heartbreak. It was already shattered beyond repair.

**Because I need you in my life**

Tubbo could barely function without the blond. He couldn’t sleep without tears. He couldn’t walk anywhere without the memories plaguing him.

**Your the one thing I survive for**

Maybe he was too clingy. It wasn’t his fault, being around Tommy was the only time he was free from them.

**And I’ll never be alright unless**

He always looked up to Tommy, the boy never seemed to have too much going on. He always had time for Tubbo.

**You are the light I strive for**

Tubbo tried to be a good friend back. He tried really really hard. Maybe he tried too hard

**And ultimately I know that I can’t complain**

Dream and Wilbur still talked sometimes. Dream tried to keep it secret but he still heard of how much better Tommy was doing without him. How had the boy had seemingly moved on so quickly while Tubbo was stuck mourning a friendship that was most certainly finished.

**I know that you are doing great**

Tubbo knew he had to just let it go but he couldn’t. He knew it was his fault that it had ended and he didn’t know why. They weren’t helping to quell his doubts either

**Perhaps I was your one mistake**

Deep down Tubbo wondered if it was pity that had kept Tommy with him for so long. He had become friends with Tubbo and then regretted it and he needed to end it. He had heard blond say it ”I can’t keep doing this Tubbo.”

**It’s funny how we got so far**

A 4 year friendship gone in a matter of minutes. He didn’t know how Tommy could bear four years with only the brunette for company. Tubbo could barely stand 4 months of it.

**Considering my wishes**

The night it happened he woke up in the middle of the night, tears still on his face. He was halfway to his brother’s room when he realized that it wasn’t a nightmare

**In the absence of a shooting star**

From then on when Tubbo did anything that reminded him of Tommy, it just reminded him of how lonely he was. 

**A shooting star**

No matter how many times he cried Tommy wouldn’t be coming back

**And as we say goodbye then I decide**

If he was honest, Tubbo didn’t know how to react. He spent most of his time wondering what he could have done better, what he could have changed to make things okay again.

**To be the one you’ve been dreaming of**

Tubbo wanted nothing more than to go back in time and fix his mistakes. He wanted to go back and ask Tommy what he did wrong.

**Yeah the one that your diary’s been speaking of**

That was a lie. The one thing he wanted more than anything was just to see the boy one more time.

**Yeah I’m cashing out, I’m redeeming love**

He just wanted his Tommy back.

**And as tonight we change our life**

It was so good, everything was going so perfectly. Tubbo had his Tommy and Tommy had his Tubbo. But nothing good lasts forever

**It is your right to seize the light you’ve been teaching of**

What made it more frustrating was that Tubbo couldn’t even be mad at Tommy. The blond was doing better without him. Tubbo had always told his friend to leave behind the people who were dragging him down.

**Yeah the same light that I’ve been leeching of**

If only Tubbo had been more like Tommy, more able to see the light. Then maybe Tubbo would have healed like Tommy did. But Tubbo couldn’t heal, not without Tommy

**I’ve been passing out, while your preaching trust**

He was nearly in tears at this point, the memories had faded into what could have been, had Tubbo been better. The future he had always imagined; gone, nothing more than fleeting dreams.

**And as I walked out with that bouquet of flowers**

He had always imagined working at the local florists shop. One of Wilbur’s friends worked there, surely she would help him get a job. He imagined buying flowers and giving them to Tommy, a sign of his friendship.

**You just bought for my mom**

He had spent hours researching the meanings of all the different flowers and what they meant. He’d probably spent more time explaining them to Tommy. He knew the boy didn’t listen all that much. Tubbo was never annoyed with having to re explain all the different things. He  knew  thought the boy cared, if he didn’t why would he ask questions.

**I started counting the hours until you would wise up**

Every night Tubbo would stare at his phone until the battery died. He used to call Tommy, and fall asleep to the blond’s voice as he played video games, but that’s not an option anymore. He put down the chain of flowers and glanced at his phone. 5:10. The sun would be setting soon.

**And turn all your focus on coming home**

Dream would always get mad if Tubbo was out after dark without calling him. Tubbo knew he should text Dream, but he didn’t have the energy.

He just wanted his Tommy.

**And I've been contemplating all of the women**

It’s not like Tubbo didn’t have friends. He had gone radio silent after Tommy left, and deep down he knew they were worried, waiting for him to respond.

They always gave him space when he was sad. Tubbo wasn’t sure if that was a good thing anymore.

**That ever have blessed my life with their grace**

His mind continued to wander, memories with Tommy flashing before his eyes, bringing droplets of water to appear. The sun was on the horizon, washing everything in a golden light. Tubbo used to love this time of day, when all the trees looked amber and the animals went to sleep.

**And I have come to conclusion that despite their beauty they have nothing on your angelic face**

When he thought back to those days, seeing Tommy in that amber light, it was beautiful. The boy’s blond hair that turned just the right shade of gold to perfectly accentuate his blue eyes. The way his skin seemed to glow as though he were blessed by the gods. 

Tommy was his light, his sun. The stars to his galaxy that would never go out.

**And ultimately I know that you're made of stars**

Tubbo felt tears roll down his cheeks as it finally dawned on him that it was over. His sun had left him and he was just floating in space, the empty vacuum of his heart ready to kill him at a moment's notice.

He clutched the red bandanna he had tied around his wrist, the last piece of Tommy he had left. Despite his blurry vision, he managed to untie the thing, letting the piece of fabric fall into his lap.

**You glow right through the concrete slabs**

He barely registered the tears falling on the fabric, little patches of water staining the bandanna. His hands were shaking, the flower crown having been dropped to the ground beside him.

The sun was gone down, washing Tubbo in darkness.

**And all the rows of iron bars**

Tubbo had just trapped Tommy, pulled him down until the boy had no choice but to break free.

**You need a better life than this**

Tommy would be better now, and that was enough.

**It's okay, girl, just leave me**

Tubbo would be okay.

**I'll be here for you forever, you just call me if you need me**

But as he looked at his phone, waiting for a call that would never come, he knew he was lying.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really happy with this but I may as well post it anyway.


End file.
